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Nov 11, 2018

Be the Church 8 (Family)

John 13:35

Be the Church – Part 8

The Church is Family – November 11, 2018

 

Introduction

          This morning, we are finishing up the “Be the Church” series. We will continue with the “Be the Church” theme beginning in January. Today, we’re looking at the fact that the church is a family.

I’ve had an experience this weekend, I haven’t had since 1994—I was the only one home.

  • I was alone…but the house felt too big.
  • I controlled the temperature…but a certain warmth was missing.
  • I was quiet…but I missed the noise of life.
  • I was alone…and I thought I’d enjoy being alone…but I wanted my family.

At Trinity, we believe we are God’s family in this place at this time in history. I don’t mean that in an exclusive manner as in, “we are God’s family and no one else is” it’s that we are a certain branch of God’s family here.

 God himself created the picture of the church as his family. He chose to use descriptions we understand within that context – father and mother, son and daughter, brother and sister. He gave us the framework of a family to understand how we should to one another within the church.

 

As a family, we believe we have a responsibility to one another and that responsibility is part of God’s plan to grow our church and to help us as individuals grow up in our faith.

          Spiritual growth is a process . . . a journey. It is full of ups and downs, victories and defeats, strengths and weaknesses, and joys and pains. It is a journey whose ultimate aim – spiritual maturity – is a destination that cannot be underestimated. We must be pursuing spiritual growth and maturity . . . and that happens more in relationship than it does in isolation.

However, relationship can be difficult. So, as we pursue spiritual growth and maturity, we must keep in mind that there isn’t a perfect one of us in the bunch so we need to accept one another . . . baggage and all . . . and respect each other’s spiritual journeys understanding that God has planned for our spiritual journeys to take place within the context of his family, not in isolation from it.

True spiritual maturity is forged on the anvil of relationship where sparks may fly as the reworking and reshaping of our lives takes place. The writer of Proverbs indicated as much when he penned these words, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Prov. 27:17)”

This morning, I first want to note two phenomena that often work against members of God’s family to sabotage individual spiritual growth and the overall health of the church. Second, I want to examine possible sources for the phenomena. Third, I want to suggest a solution and ask us to examine our own hearts in this area.

Phenomena

The two phenomena I want to touch on this morning are church shopping and church hopping.

  1. Church shopping
    1. The word “shopping” invokes a consumer mentality about the church.
      1. Truth be told, to some degree, we all have such a mentality.
      2. We initially choose a church because it seems to fit our need or desires.
  • That is not what I’m talking about.
  1. I am using church shopping to refer to the practice of constantly moving from church to church in a quest to find the perfect one.
  2. Church shoppers are those whose initial critical eye never subsides.
    1. Pastor and Professor Joseph Hellerman calls them spiritual nomads.
    2. We never get to know church shoppers very well because they cannot seem to stay put.
      1. They move . . . from church to church . . . searching for a congregation that will better satisfy their felt needs.
      2. They are like trees repeatedly transplanted from soil to soil . . .
        1. they fail to put down roots
        2. and they seldom experience lasting and fruitful growth in their Christian lives.[1]
  • As hard as this question sounds, if church shoppers are always moving from church to church, and no church is ever good enough, what is the common denominator? Could it be them?
  1. I was once asked to do a wedding and turned down the opportunity because it would have been the 5th one for the guy.
  1. Church hopping
    1. Some folks are not church shoppers, they are church hoppers.
    2. The difference is that church hoppers do settle into a church . . . for a while.
    3. They may connect with folks in the congregation and may even get involved in various ministries or activities.
    4. However, over time, issues surface that probably surfaced in other churches.
      1. Those issues are often relational.
        1. They leave to avoid working through uncomfortable or painful issues with others in the church family. . . . and it works . . . for a while.
        2. Running away does provide some immediate relief. . .
        3. It is the easy way out in the short term . . ..
      2. The trouble is that people who leave to escape the hard work of conflict resolution . . . often repeat the cycle . . . with another person in another church somewhere else in town.[2]
    5. Like church shoppers, church hoppers never settle in for the long haul.
      1. They move from church to church looking for one that is free of relational tension between people.
      2. Again, as hard as the question sounds, if church hoppers are always moving from church to church to find one without relational tension, what is the common denominator? Could it be them?
  • A pastor from Alaska once told me that nearly everyone in Alaska is from somewhere else. They go to the last frontier to make a new start and often fail to realize that they’ve brought all their issues with them.
  1. Before I move on, let me acknowledge that there are valid reasons to leave a church and look for a new one. I am not negating any of those reasons today. However, neither am addressing them. I am addressing the often-dubious practices of church shopping and church hopping.
  2. The trouble with these two practices is that they short-circuit the process of spiritual transformation and leave folks in immature and stunted stages of spirituality.

Source of the problem

          What is the origin of these practices? Why do people sometimes move from church to church and never settle in anywhere?

  1. Perhaps part of the reason is our American upbringing.
    1. In America, we’ve been socialized to believe that our own dreams, goals, and personal fulfillment should take precedence over the well-being of the group . . .
    2. We’ve been socialized to think that individual needs are more important than the long-term health of the group.
    3. Therefore, when someone’s individual needs are not being met or when the current arrangement doesn’t suit their fancy, people leave and withdraw, rather than stay and grow up.[3]

 

  1. Perhaps part of the reason is selfishness that arises from our sinful nature.
    1. Both the Apostle Paul and Jesus’ brother James used the phrase selfish ambition in their writing.
    2. Paul indicated that selfish ambition is one of the obvious expressions of our sinful nature.
    3. James wrote that wherever you find selfish ambition you’ll also find disorder.
      1. Such disorder is not just found in social institutions.
      2. It is first found in the hearts of those who make up social institutions and are motivated by selfish ambition.
    4. Sometimes, because of selfish ambition, when someone doesn’t get their way or when the music isn’t exactly to their liking, or when the preaching isn’t what they want to hear, or when the children in the service are too loud, or when someone sits in the seat they view think they own, or when . . . you fill in the blank . . . people leave and withdraw rather than stay and grow up.
  2. Perhaps part of the reason is personality.
    1. In my experience, most people do not enjoy confrontation.
    2. In my experience, most people are not inclined to rock the boat but are more inclined to want to keep the peace . . . even if it means giving in or going away.
    3. Therefore, when tension arises between people . . . which it is bound to do . . . they leave and withdraw rather than stay and grow up.

Solution

I believe the solution is simple – bloom where you’re planted!

  1. When you’ve done your initial, appropriate shopping for a church, stay there until and unless God tells you otherwise.
  2. Listen to Him more than you listen to your sinful selfish desires or your conflict-avoiding personality.
  3. Become a fully-integrated member of the family, for the long haul. Both you and the family (the church) will reap the benefits.

You may be wondering, “Rob, why are you preaching like this?”
Let me explain.

Spiritual formation primarily occurs within the context of community.

  1. Remember Proverbs 27:17?
    As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
    1. If you never stay somewhere long enough to build close meaningful relationships, you will never progress to the iron-sharpening-iron stage.
    2. You will never know the joy of lasting spiritual growth that is forged on the anvil of relationship where sparks fly as the reworking and reshaping of your life takes place.
  2. People who remain connected with their brothers and sisters in the local church almost invariably grow in self-understanding, and they mature in their ability to relate in healthy ways to God and to other people.
  3. This is especially true for those who stick it out through the often-messy process of interpersonal tension and conflict resolution. Long-term relationships are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life. People who stay grow.
  4. Sadly, the reverse is also true.
  5. People who leave do not grow. (Remember, I’m not talking about those with valid reasons. I’m talking about shoppers and hoppers.)
    1. It is a simple but profound biblical reality that we both grow and thrive together, or we do not grow much at all.[4]
    2. If you choose to be a shopper or a hopper . . .
      1. . . . you choose to remove yourself from the anvil . . .
      2. . . . you choose to remove the hammer from God’s hand . . .
      3. . . . you choose to forge your life as you see fit . .
      4. . . .and you choose the ultimate expression of sinful selfish ambition . . . my way or the highway.

 As the church, God has called us to walk this journey together and we are serious about being his family in this time and in this place. The thing about family life is that it sometimes gets messy. Different people with different ideas and different personalities and different perspectives sometimes clash with one another. That is to be expected.

However, the truth is that many times we can find direction and strength in our differences more than in our agreements. The problem is that many Christians are too immature to work through their differences and would prefer to withdraw or go somewhere else rather than do the hard work that relationships require. They would rather leave and withdraw than stay and grow up!

We are not going to be like that here! We are in this together for the long haul. (Say that with me, “Together for the long haul.”) That is an important commitment to make.

Another difficulty in families is that we know each other.

  • We know each other’s strengths and we know each other’s weaknesses.
  • We know each other’s struggles and we know each other’s victories.
  • Sometimes, our knowledge of one another works against us.
  • Premarital counseling
    • Cute quirks become irritating habits.
    • We know what buttons to push to get a certain response and then pretend we didn’t push them (“What’s wrong with you?”)

We must always keep in mind that the issue is not our knowledge, but God’s grace.

  • And while we think we really know one another, we must still be respectful of an individual’s spiritual journey even as it plays out in the context of our church family.
  • This does not mean that actions do not have consequences, they do.
  • However, it also does not mean that the Holy Spirit has abdicated his role in conviction and spiritual growth and left it in our hands. We are in this together . . . for the long haul!

Remember, there isn’t a perfect one of us in the bunch, so we need to accept one another . . . baggage and all . . . and respect each other’s spiritual journeys as we walk this road together, unpacking our baggage along the way and progressing toward spiritual maturity.

 I haven’t ended a sermon like this in quite a while, but dream with me for a moment of a church that is the constant living embodiment of these words from Jesus:  34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

  • Imagine Trinity being a place where . . . We love those who make it difficult to love them.
  • Imagine Trinity being a place where . . . Others love us when we make it difficult for them to love us.
  • Imagine Trinity being a place where . . . We demonstrate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control even when we’d rather not do so.
  • Imagine Trinity being a place . . . where every family member is accepted, baggage and all . . . and where the grace of God is always the standard of the day . . . even when we’re on the anvil!
  • Imagine Trinity being a place . . . where our greatest strength lies not only in our love for God but our love for one another.

I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of church family I want to be a part of . . . and y’all are part of it!

Prayer


[1] Joseph H. Hellerman, When the Church Was a Family: Recapturing Jesus' Vision for Authentic Christian Community (Nashville: B&H Publishing, 2009) Kindle Edition, p. 4.

[2] Hellerman, 4.

[3] Hellerman., 4.

[4] Hellerman, pp. 1-2.

Series Information

In a very real sense, we do not come to church, we are the church. We are to be the hands and feet and love of Jesus to people who often don't even understand that they need him.